


Secret Santa

by TrickPhotography



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas fic, Darcy loves Christmas, Discussion of Suicide in the first chapter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Mutual Pining, Over protective Bucky, Steve encouraging Buck to be a good guy, This starts out angsty but becomes fluff, complex PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21948751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickPhotography/pseuds/TrickPhotography
Summary: When Darcy's unable to join her sister for Christmas, she brings her holiday traditions to the Tower. On his first Christmas back, Steve pushes Bucky to join in to mixed results.----“Darcy asked me to put it up,” Thor said. “She is most sad that she won’t be able to join her sister for Christmas and hoped that we would participate in this game.”“I’m in,” Clint said, motioning for Bruce to hand him the paper. “Anyone got a pen?”Bucky glanced over at the paper as the archer signed his name with a flourish.Secret Santa$40 maxSign up deadline: December 13thExchange on Christmas Eve“Whose next?” Clint asked.Bucky grabbed his cup of coffee and left, ignoring the disappointed look Steve shot him.
Relationships: Background Thor/Jane Foster, James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis, background Tony Stark/Pepper Potts
Comments: 66
Kudos: 596





	1. Chapter 1

“Please Buck?” Steve asked. “It’d be good for you to get out of here – to be around the team in a low stress scenario.”

The figure on the couch stayed silent, the only sound the clicking of the automatic rifle being disassembled.

“Fine. The game should be over by 11. If you change your mind, we can always deal you in.”

When the door closed, Bucky laid the gun down and hung his head. Steve was trying so hard to bring a dead man back to life without taking into consideration that sometimes breathing was the most you could ask of a person. 

And some days that was a struggle.

Idly, he picked up the bullet he’d removed from the chamber and rolled it through his fingers, the metal clinking softly. Bucky Barnes had been raised Catholic, and suicide was a sin that would damn his soul to Hell. He huffed a laugh and clenched his fist around the bullet – what could Hell do to him that Hydra hadn’t already done?

Instinct and training had pushed him to survive after he’d escaped them in DC. Mission parameters were always to escape and evade capture until he could rendezvous with his handler. 

Later, it had been fear of recapture that had pushed him. The first memories that had returned to him were all of pain, and he’d spent many nights curled up in whatever temporary shelter he’d found, clenching his jaw to keep from screaming.

The Soldier knew that he couldn’t fall back into Hydra’s hands. Even dead, his corpse would help advance their goals. He remembered their scientists taking samples from him, and even one man stroking his hair back and wistfully asking what repeated electrocution did to the brain.

He’d just made up his mind that a suicide vest would be the safest bet to ensure that they wouldn’t be able to recover enough of him to do anything with when the Widow had caught up with him.

Of all his pupils, Natalia had been his best. Her lethal grace was only matched by her beauty, a tool she’d used to her advantage to take out less suspicious victims. He’d hesitated only a moment when he’d recognized her, and that was all the opening she needed.

He’d woken up to Steve staring down at him, his face twisted with worry. 

With a sigh, Bucky put the bullet back on the table. Now it was Steve’s ugly mug that kept him from eating his gun.

“Where’d this come from?

Bucky tensed at the words, wondering how he’d missed a change in the terrain.

“Darcy asked me to put it up,” Thor said. “She is most sad that she won’t be able to join her sister for Christmas and hoped that we would participate in this game.”

“I’m in,” Clint said, motioning for Bruce to hand him the paper. “Anyone got a pen?”

Bucky glanced over at the paper as the archer signed his name with a flourish.

Secret Santa  
$40 max  
Sign up deadline: December 13th  
Exchange on Christmas Eve

“Whose next?” Clint asked.

Bucky grabbed his cup of coffee and left, ignoring the disappointed look Steve shot him.

Living in Stark Tower had brought a lot of difficulties, but JARVIS wasn’t one of them. While Steve found the AI’s constant presence disconcerting, Bucky was used to being watched all the time.

Plus, with the computer always watching, he didn’t need a human escort when he moved around the Tower.

That probably wasn’t the same if he’d left the premises but he’d yet to test that theory. Stark had designed his home to be a fortress, with food and essentials delivered by thoroughly vetted vendors, so there was no need to ever leave.

He should know – he’d done the vetting. As part of the conditions for him staying in New York, he’d demanded access to the security functions of the Tower. 

Stark had called him paranoid but had agreed. It only took him three hours to identify five potential breech points and flag twenty-seven employees, including four who had access to the residential floors.

People paid little attention to cleaning and maintenance staff.

So when JARVIS chimed softly, letting Buck know that he was about to say something, he didn’t reach for one of the eleven weapons within an arms distance of his bed. 

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. The time is currently 5:30AM and it is a brisk 36 degrees outside. The gymnasium is empty and Captain Rogers is still sleeping. In addition, you have been assigned Ms. Lewis for the Secret Santa exchange.”

For a moment, he thought he was still sleeping. Grunting, Bucky turned onto his side and pushed himself up. He rolled his shoulders, grimacing as his back twinged – Stark had offered to work on a new, lighter model of the arm that wouldn’t put so much strain on his back, but he hadn’t given him an answer yet. He didn’t trust anyone but Steve to be that close to him. 

“Repeat last transmission.”

“You have been assigned Ms. Lewis for the Secret Santa exchange.”

“I didn’t…”

Steve jerked awake, reaching for his shield as the door rebounded off the wall. Bucky caught it and glared at him. “Whaz happening? We under attack?”

“You’re buying that girl a present, not me.”

Steve was smart enough to stay out of his way that day but the next was a different story.

“You need to do this.” He wilted slightly under Bucky’s glare but then crossed his arms over his chest. “Come on Buck – you used to love Christmas.”

“Not doing it.”

“Well fine. You’ll be the one to explain to Ms. Lewis why she’s the only one not opening a gift on Christmas Eve.”

Bucky dropped his spoon and it clattered loudly in his empty oatmeal bowl. “Shouldn’t’a put her in a position to be disappointed.”

“Please Jane? You’re my excuse for being up here if I get caught.” Bucky paused and tensed, his hand slipping to grip the knife strapped to his lower back while he mentally catalogued the closest weapons and ran through the reasons why JARVIS would allow unauthorized people onto the residential floor. Stark had said his AI was incapable of being hacked.

“Couldn’t you do this at your apartment?” another voice whined. His shoulders dropped as he recognized her – Thor’s girl.

“Ha – that’s funny. You’ve seen my kitchen. And plus, Judy’s on nights and Sarah’s pulling doubles so there’s no time to bake without pissing off one of them.”

“Darcy…”

“Look at these double ovens, Janie! And this stand mixer! Please?”

“Fine, but I want a double batch of rum balls. And some of those banana bread truffles.”

“Already on the list. So is the peanut butter fudge. Kinda nervous about the molasses cookies, though.”

Buck’s mouth started to water. Steve teased him relentlessly about his sweet tooth but there was something about molasses cookies that made his heart clench.

“Ugh, I’m never going to fit in my wedding dress with you around.”

The responding laugh was so carefree that Bucky felt the muscles around his mouth twitch. 

“Well, might as well bust out the boozy eggnog then. And start the tunes!”

The opening strains of “Let It Snow” played as he snuck away, leaving the coffee he’d come to get. 

The smell of cinnamon and ginger lingered in the kitchen when Bucky went for his coffee the next morning. He paused in the doorway and inhaled deeply, something wiggling at the edge of his memory.

There were containers lining the bar and he forced himself not to look until his mug was full. Little tags were taped to the lids, the handwriting matching the note that Thor had posted to the refrigerator two weeks before. 

His eyebrow rose as the read the labels – banana bread truffles, raspberry truffles, peanut butter balls, peanut butter fudge, hot chocolate fudge, ginger bread cookies, sugar cookies, and white chocolate cranberry cookies. Suspiciously missing were the rum balls, and he felt something close to disappointment that the molasses cookies were also gone. 

Bucky’d just reached for the peanut butter fudge when Thor entered the kitchen.

“Excellent! Jane said she and Darcy were busy last night and this doesn’t disappoint! Have you seen the raspberry truffles? Darcy said they were quite tart.”

Without a word, he handed him the container and watched as the god pop the chocolate covered treat in his mouth and grin.

“Wonderful. My mother will love these. Have you tried one, Sergeant?” he asked, holding them out. Bucky hesitantly reached for one, unsure if he liked raspberries.

His jaw clenched at the tartness, barely tempered by the chocolate. Something must have showed on his face because Thor laughed. “Fear not – Darcy made enough that you’ll find something you like.”

“She do all of this last night?”

“Jane came to bed near two and said that Darcy was finishing the truffles. I’m afraid she’ll regret staying up so late,” he frowned before glancing at the coffee pot. “She’ll need more coffee than usual to make it through her day.”

A question was on the tip of his tongue, but Buck swallowed it when Ms. Potts walked in.

“JARVIS said that there were gingerbread cookies?”

Bucky slipped out of the kitchen quietly with only his coffee.

Try as he might, curiosity got the better of him and Bucky found himself staring at Darcy Lewis’ digital personnel file. 

Thor had vouched for Darcy and, as someone Steve trusted implicitly, Bucky had pushed himself to accept that he hadn’t needed to look into the young woman when he was doing his initial security check.

Which was why, now, he hesitated. It was one thing to do a security threat analysis and another to satisfy personal curiosity. 

As if summoned from his thoughts, an email notification appeared on the corner of his screen – new message from Lewis, Darcy.

Bucky clicked it and quickly scanned the email. It was a list of the baked goods in the kitchen with encouragement to take whatever they liked, a reminder of the $40 limit for Secret Santa, and finally an invitation to go ice skating that evening.

Unsurprisingly, Steve wanted them to go.

Unsurprisingly, Bucky said no.

Surprisingly, it was hard to stick to that answer, and he felt a spike of jealousy when Steve left.

He made sure he was in his room by the time he got back.

The next day, an invitation to watch movies in Thor and Jane’s apartment appeared in his inbox. 

A reply from Stark appeared a minute later changing the venue to his private screening room. 

Steve talked him into the elevator but when he heard the laughs of the team, he shook his head and rode the car back up to their floor.


	2. Chapter 2

“Watch out!”

Bucky turned, his hand gripping the knife strapped to his back and caught the person who crashed into him. 

Blue eyes twinkled behind black frames as the woman looked up at him, her face flushed with embarrassment. Her hands were pressed against his chest, and he could feel her body shaking with suppressed laughter. “Sorry – didn’t think that anyone else was down here.” They stared at one another for a long moment before he mentally shook himself and stepped back, dropping his arm from where it had been wrapped around her waist. After a quick assessment, he deemed her a low threat and released the knife grip.

“Credentials.” The woman’s smile drooped and a ‘v’ appeared between her eyebrows. 

“My badge is with my jacket – back in storage room eight.” When he didn’t say anything, she sighed, her eyes lowering. He knew the moment she saw his gun strapped to his thigh because she visibly tensed. “You’re not going to shoot me if I turn my back on you, are you? Because if you do, you’ll have to deal with a pissed off astrophysicist who can’t find her charge-coupled device.” 

When the silence continued, she sighed and turned, walking back towards the storage room. Bucky fought against raising an eyebrow when he saw that she wasn’t wearing shoes. The bottoms of her white socks were grey with dirt. 

He forced his eyes off of her ass when she bent to retrieve her jacket. She handed him the badge and crossed her arms under her chest, cocking her hip to the side. Bucky felt like he should have been given a commendation for not letting his gaze drop to her ample cleavage. Instead, he turned his attention to her ID and confirmed his suspicion. He studied her face closely under the guise of security, taking in the dark circles under her eyes just visible under her smudged glasses, and the enticing curve of her lower lip. Pushing away that foreign thought, he asked, “What are you doing down here, Ms. Lewis?”

“Looking for another CCD. Jane – Dr. Foster – needs it to set up for tonight.” 

“Why are your shoes off?” 

The blush reappeared as she lowered her eyes and shrugged, “This floor’s perfect for sliding and I couldn’t resist.” When he handed her the badge back, he nodded and turned away. He’d finish his sweep later. 

“As you were.”

“You’re Sergeant Barnes, right?” Bucky froze. “Oh, ok. I…uh, I just wanted to say that I hope I’m not annoying you with the Christmas invites. I know the holidays can suck sometimes, but I wanted to make sure you knew you were wanted. For you, and not just because you’re Steve’s friend.” 

They were silent for a long moment before he nodded, and softly said, “Thanks.”

When the invitation for another movie night hit his inbox, he resolved to go.

While the team tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal that he was there, the momentary hush that had fallen over the room when he’d walked in with Steve spoke volumes. 

“Hey,” Darcy smiled tiredly as she walked towards them. He noted the darker circles under her eyes and wondered if she ever slept well. “I’m glad you came.” Her smile widened when her eyes moved to Steve, who matched her grin. “Both of you.” 

Bucky felt oddly jealous and forced that feeling aside. If a pretty dame paid attention to Steve – great. Hopefully it’d give the punk something to do other than act like his babysitter all the time. 

“Thanks for the invitation, Darce,” Steve said. “What’re we watching tonight?”

“It’s a Wonderful Life,” she shrugged, wrinkling her nose. “Pepper’s choice. Although it’s better than Tony’s suggestion – A Christmas Story.”

“I heard that, Lewis. That film is a classic, damn it!” Stark said, looking over his reclining chair to glare playfully. Pepper, who had her legs draped over his, chuckled and flicked his shoulder. He retaliated by squeezing her thigh, which made the CEO squeak. 

“Anyways,” Darcy smirked, rolling her eyes. “There’s still some cookies and fudge over there, and there’s popcorn. Nat’s getting the hot water so we’ll have cocoa in a minute, and there’s hot cider in the crock-pot. Help yourselves!” 

He trailed closely behind Steve as he moved towards the table Darcy had motioned towards. His eyes darted hopefully over the baked goods but didn’t spy any of the molasses cookies. Suppressing a sigh, he took the plate that Steve handed him and picked a piece of peanut butter fudge and a ginger bread cookie, while Steve took a bit of everything and balanced it on the rim of his mug of cocoa to free up a hand for popcorn.

During his time as the Soldier, Bucky hadn’t had much opportunity to watch films unless they were through his telescope lens as he tracked his target. 

He made it twenty minutes into the film before recognizing a scene that had been obscured by blood on the screen when he’d taken out a Yugoslavian oligarch. Without a word, he stood and walked out of the room, his eyes darting over to see Darcy asleep in her chair, her head on her fist and glasses slipping down her nose. 

Steve had understood when he’d explained what had happened, because of course he had. 

To be safe, Bucky ignored the next movie night and decided to lock himself in the gym to work out his frustration. What kind of person couldn’t watch a Christmas movie without having flashbacks? 

“Tell your girl I’m sorry,” he muttered on his way out, ignoring Steve’s startled look.

He’d been doing another sweep when he heard the raised voice. 

“You can’t keep doing this – you’re running yourself into the ground.”

“Ha – pot, meet kettle.”

“I’m serious, Darcy. This is the second time you’ve fallen asleep in the lab. You either need to cut back on your hours with me, or cut your time with the store or diner.”

“I’m sorry Jane. It won’t happen again. It’s only for another few weeks – just until after the holidays.”

“And then you’re back to just two jobs. Why don’t I talk to Pepper about – ”

“We’re not trying to revise the grant. Do you know how long those negotiations took?”

“It’ll be worth it if you get an actual salary and benefits instead of – ”

“I don’t have the qualifications to be your assistant. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about those applications – we’re looking at those on January 2nd.”

“You’re the best assistant – ”

“I appreciate the flattery but we’ve been through this already. You need an actual physicist to help you. For now, I’m happy to be your glorified gopher and emotional support intern.” 

Bucky heard Jane’s defeated sigh. “You know you’re more than that, Darce. I’ll drop it for now, but you’re taking the rest of the night off. You can crash on the couch if you want.”

“Let me just finish – ”

“Nope.”

“But – ”

“Don’t make me get Thor.”

“Fine. But I’m going home – I have the 5:30 shift again and the diner’s closer to my place.”

“I’ll see if I can get a car and drive you back.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take the train.”

Bucky ducked behind a wall when he heard Darcy step into the hall and chanced a look. The girl was clearly running on fumes, her eyes drooping as she struggled to pull on her coat. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun that she covered with her knit cap, and he could almost hear her jaw crack with the massive yawn she let out. 

“JARVIS? Order a car and charge it to Steve. Damn punk should be making sure his girl gets home safe.”

Financial difficulties were the easiest way to gain leverage over someone. It had the potential to become security breech, which fell under his purview.

At least, that’s what Bucky told himself as he stared at Darcy’s personnel file.

His fingers hovered over the computer before he lowered his hand and hung his head. Thor trusted her. Steve trusted Thor. He trusted Steve. 

End of story.

She’d done nothing to warrant a closer look except work a few jobs to make ends meet. If anything, Darcy Lewis had proven her incorruptibility by refusing to let Dr. Foster use her position to push through a personal promotion. 

Leave it to Steve to find a beautiful, kind, hardworking dame who wouldn’t take the easy way out and had a high enough security clearance to have an actual conversation with. 

Bucky hesitated when the elevator doors opened, revealing its passenger. Darcy straightened and gave him a tired smile. “Hey Sarge.” 

“Ms. Lewis.” He hugged the elevator wall but could still feel the cold coming off of her, mingling with the smell of fried food and coffee. 

“You can call me Darcy, you know.” He looked over at her, noting the melting snow on the shoulders of her well-worn jacket, and nodded. 

“Bucky.”

“Kinda prefer Sarge,” she said. When he glanced over at him, she winked. The corner of his mouth twitched and she grinned. “Gotta say, I was surprised you signed up for Secret Santa.”

The bottom of his stomach dropped out – he’d forgotten that Steve signed him up for that. 

“Good surprised,” she added quickly, seeing his expression harden. “But still surprised.” When the doors opened to Foster’s floor, she waved. “Later Sarge!”

“Well shit.”

“What are you getting Lewis?”

Steve pulled his eyes away from the television and frowned. “Darcy? Nothing, why?”

“Because she’s expecting a present from her Secret Santa.”

“You’re supposed to get her something. I got – ” he frowned. “I don’t think I’m supposed to say?”

“Get whoever you got, and Lewis.”

“Not doing it, Buck. Get her a gift or she’ll be disappointed.”

“She’s your girl,” he muttered, heading to his room.

“She’s not my – ” Steve ran a hand down his face as the door slammed shut.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky heard the soft, unfamiliar footfalls and tensed. Stark, who was trying to convince him to let him look at the arm, noticed and stopped talking before subtly shifting to put himself between Ms. Potts and the hallway. 

The faint strains of music and the smell of fried food proceeded Darcy, who froze in the doorway with two mugs in hand. She pulled out one of her ear buds and gave them a nervous smile. “Sorry – Jane gave me her badge and sent me up to get some more coffee.”

“Help yourself,” Pepper said, looking up from her tablet. “Did you misplace your ID?” 

Darcy frowned and reached for her back pocket – she’d changed her outfit from that morning for jeans and a hoodie – and grabbed her lanyard. “Nope! Right here.”

“Why’d you need Foster’s?” Stark asked, watching the younger woman make her way to the coffee pot. 

“To get in here?” 

There was a momentary silence before Stark spoke again. “You don’t have access to this floor?” 

“Nope,” Darcy said, popping the ‘p’. “I’ve got access to the lab and storage, and Jane’s floor. Don’t really need access for anywhere else – unless we run out of coffee.” 

“JARVIS, fix that. You got an issue with that?” Bucky’s eyes shot over to Stark, who raised an eyebrow at him. He shook his head.

“You don’t need – ”

“Upgrading Ms. Lewis’ security clearance now. You now have access to all residential floors, as well as the other labs, and privileges in the gymnasium and communal areas.” When he glanced at Darcy, Buck saw that she was flushed. 

“Listening to anything good?” Ms. Potts asked, smiling at the flustered girl. 

“Uh, yeah. It’s data processing time so it’s classical music day. Today’s the Nutcracker.” 

“Jesus,” Stark huffed, rolling his eyes. Ms. Potts, however, grinned.

“Do you like the Nutcracker?”

“Love it. It was my mom’s favorite – she used to play it for me and Bronte all the time.” Bucky schooled his features to keep from frowning at the past tense, and filed away those bits of information. Mother: deceased. Sister: Bronte. 

“Did you ever get to the ballet?” For some reason, Darcy flushed deeper.

“No, uh… we never had the chance.” For some reason, that made Stark grin and turn to face Ms. Potts, who – even though she sighed, was unable to keep the indulgent smile off of her lips. 

“Today’s your lucky day, Lewis. You and Pepper, Lincoln Center, 8:00 performance tonight – first ring, dead center. Have fun.”

“Wha – no!” Darcy said, shaking her head. 

“They do a pre-show at 7:40 where they talk about the performance,” Ms. Potts added. “We’ll definitely want to do that so you can have the whole experience. And, if you’d like, we can do the backstage tour.”

“I-I can’t. It’s too much!”

Stark scoffed, and Ms. Potts reached out to lay a hand on his arm. He turned to look at her, and they had a silent conversation. “What Tony’s trying to say,” Ms. Potts said, “is that the Maria Stark Foundation is a patron and we have a standing reservation. I’ve made Tony sit through the Nutcracker every year, so he’s happy – ”

“Thrilled.”

“ – to let you take his seat tonight. Besides,” she added, smiling softly. “It’s not every day you get to take someone to their first ballet.”

Bucky looked over at Darcy, whose wide eyes were gleaming. She cleared her throat and audibly swallowed. “I-I wish I could,” she said with a shaky voice, “b-but I have to work tonight.”

“I’m sure Foster will let you play hookie.”

“Not for Jane.” There was a weighted silence.

“You moonlighting for someone else, Lewis? If it’s Hammer Tech, I swear to – ”

“It’s not,” Darcy said, quickly. “I have a part time job.” 

Stark glanced at Ms. Potts, who was frowning. “See if you can swap shifts, Darcy,” she said. “And let me know. If we can’t do it tonight, we can go to another showing on a night that you have off.” 

“Thanks. I’ll…I’ll see what I can do,” Darcy said before holding up her mugs of coffee. “I should probably get this down to Jane before…” The three watched as she quickly left the kitchen. 

Ms. Potts got to her feet, her heels clicking softly on the floor. “I’ll look into it.”

“Do whatever it takes to make it happen.” Bucky lowered his gaze as she put her hand on his chest and kissed Stark.

He could hear the smile in her voice when she said, “Have a good afternoon, Bucky.” Her heels clicked again and then paused. “Oh, and Tony? If she can’t go, I expect you to be ready.” 

“If she can’t find someone to volunteer to take her shift, I’ll offer to pay them triple.” Ms. Pott’s laughed.

Stark had been told that he was off the hook for the ballet as he projected his proposed schematics, continuing to pitch his improvements and upgrades. Bucky found himself making excuses to head back to the communal kitchen in the late afternoon. He’d come up for a sports drink when he saw Darcy sitting on a bar stool, fiddling with her necklace.

“I didn’t know what to wear, so I went with my interview outfit,” she confided while waiting for Ms. Potts to arrive. Apparently that was a form fitting black dress with a garnet blazer that matched her lipstick. 

Steve was a lucky man, he thought as he pushed down the urge to reach out and capture one of her soft curls in his fingers to see if it was as silky as it looked. “It’s nice.” Her nervous smile became a bit brighter as she ducked her head and crossed her arms under her chest, and he bit back a groan as her breasts were pushed up, making them peak out a bit more over the demure neckline. 

Stark didn’t hold back, and wolf whistled when he caught sight of her. “You clean up nice, Lewis.” 

“You do look great,” Ms. Potts said. The corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled. “Ready to go?”

He wasn’t sure how she walked in the impractical heels, but they did great things for her legs.

As he patrolled the Tower the next day, Bucky heard Darcy humming under her breath. When she spotted him, she smiled and waved. His stomach swooped and he had to remind himself that it wasn’t a good idea to lust after your best friend’s girl.

Bucky was reminded why Steve would have made a horrible spy when he walked into the apartment to see him shoving something under the couch. 

“Go away so I can put this up,” he sighed. When Buck raised his eyebrow, he rolled his eyes. 

“That your present for Darcy?”

“For the last time, Buck – I’m not getting her a present.”

“Idiot,” he muttered under his breath while walking to his room.

Of all the things that had been pushed from his memory, Steve’s pig headed stubbornness – unfortunately – wasn’t one of them. 

Bucky found himself staring at his computer on the 20th, wondering what an appropriate gift for your best friend’s girl would be. When he put that question into a search engine, it pulled up gifts like putting their partner’s face on socks or underwear. While some found Steve’s ugly mug attractive, he found the idea of Darcy stepping on his face strange. He didn’t even want to think about why his gut twisted at the thought of Steve’s face so close to her pussy. 

Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair and groaned. 

“Dr. Foster?” 

“Just a minute.” The woman tapped her marker against her cheek as she stared at the board in front of her, which was full of complex equations. It was another minute before she wrote something while muttering, “I’ll have Bruce check it over.” With a sigh, she turned and tossed the marker onto a table. Her eyes widened when she saw him. “Uh, hi Sergeant Barnes. What can I do for you?”

“I need…help.” Her eyebrows shot up.

“What kind of help?”

“Gifts.” A smile broke out on her face as she shook her head and put her hands on her hips. 

“Did you get Thor or Darcy for Secret Santa?” Relief flooded through him and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Darcy.” 

“Oooh, definitely the more difficult of the two. Darcy hates getting things.” The confusion must have showed on his face because she laughed. 

“Why?” 

The smile became a bit more fixed as she shrugged, leaning back against the table. “Darcy has… she’s…” The smile disappeared when she sighed. “Darcy’s got hang ups about people spending money on her.” 

“Why do gifts, then?” 

“Darcy loves Christmas. She said that her mom always made a big production of it no matter how…” she trailed off, as if realizing that she shouldn’t tell her friend’s secrets. 

Bucky knew what she was going to say and realized that he should have picked up on it before.

Multiple jobs that kept her running from one borough to the other, pushing herself to the point of exhaustion. The unwillingness to accept expensive gifts that could be seen as charity. The embarrassment that kept her from letting anyone push for a raise, not wanting to let anyone see the level of financial difficulties she was under. 

If that didn’t describe him and Steve growing up dirt poor, he didn’t know what did. 

Foster cleared her throat and shrugged. “Doing Secret Santa meant that she didn’t have to buy something for everyone because - ”

“It’s expensive,” Bucky said. Even working three jobs, buying presents for the Avengers, Dr. Foster, and Ms. Potts would have come with a heft price. 

“Yeah. And she’s trying to save as much as possible to go out to her sister’s place in San Diego in February because she’s having a baby. And her brother-in-law is deploying so Bronte’s not going to have anyone with her.” 

Bucky frowned, filing away more bits of information. Sister: Bronte, California, married to military (likely Navy), 7 months pregnant. Father: deceased or out of the picture. 

Something over his shoulder caught her attention and she straightened, widening her eyes. He glanced over and saw Darcy stepping off the elevator. 

“Books, coffee, yarn, and candles are safe bets,” Dr. Foster hissed. “She needs a new coat and she’s been saying something about getting new headphones.” 

“I swear to god, working in a lingerie store during the holidays is the worst. You’re a genius, Janie – explain to me why men think it’s okay to ask what it looks like on… Sarge!” Bucky tried to push down the spike of lust at her words, completely understanding why a man would ask her that. When he turned, she was stripping off her coat – now that he was looking, he could see the repairs in the seams and small tears in the interior lining – to reveal her black polka dotted blouse. Her black slacks were too big and clinched tight with a belt, and were frayed at the cuffs. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Stark.” He saw the small, confused twitch of her eyebrows as she frowned before recovering.

“Yeah, haven’t seen him,” Dr. Foster added. “Maybe check with Bruce?”

“Thanks,” he said, turning back to nod at the smaller woman who gave him an encouraging smile. Her eyes widened when the corner of his mouth curved into a weak smile. 

“I’m thinking about making a gingerbread house tomorrow – any chance you’d be interested in being the construction foreman?” Darcy asked as he walked closer. 

“Sure.” Her eyebrows shot up at his quick answer and she grinned, her blue eyes sparkling.

“Awesome! Maybe around noon?”

“I’ll let Steve know.” 

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he could have sworn that her smile dropped a bit but she recovered quickly.

“The more the merrier. Now, Jane and I need to get to work or we’ll be here way past midnight. See ya later, Sarge.”

When he stepped into the elevator, he looked up in time to see Darcy unbuttoning her blouse to reveal a black camisole that scooped low over her breasts, and he bit back a groan. He could definitely understand why those men asked to see what she looked like in lingerie.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky had no excuse for watching the security feed outside of Dr. Foster’s lab no matter how much he tried to find one.

There’d been a few times he thought that Darcy and Foster were calling it quits but the women had always returned to the lab, mugs or food in hand. The clock was inching closer to one in the morning, and he was wondering how he could justify going down and telling them that they needed to call it a night, when he spied the door open again. 

Darcy’s coat was draped over her arm and it looked like Foster was trying to convince her of something – unsuccessfully, given the head shake and two buttons pushed to call the elevator. 

He was on his feet without thinking, mentally running calculations on the likelihood of getting a car ordered through one of the approved companies for her – Bucky didn’t trust those ride sharing companies Steve told him about – by the time she reached the bottom floor. Silently, he berated himself for not having the forethought to have one on standby. 

Steve was the obvious answer, but he’d gone to bed hours ago and would take too long to wake up and get ready.

A wave of nausea rose as he realized what needed to be done. He dropped back onto the couch and put his head in his hand, breathing deeply through his nose and out through his mouth. 

Precious seconds ticked away as the elevator opened and Darcy stepped in, reaching to push the button for the ground floor. He changed cameras and saw her bag on the floor and yawn while pull on her coat.

Resolved, he stood and watched as she pushed her glasses to the top of her head and rubbed at her eyes. “JARVIS?”

“Sir?”

“Call the elevator and make sure I reach the ground floor before Darcy leaves the building.”

“Yes sir. I’ll begin slowing Ms. Lewis’s car now.” 

He pulled his coat off of the peg by the door and shrugged it on while stalking into the hallway where the elevator opened to meet him – it nearly closed on his ankle and started to drop quickly. Bucky’s heart began to race as the floor levels decreased, taking him lower in the building than he’d been since arriving. Out of necessity, he embraced the emotionless, task oriented Solider and was able to refocus by the time the doors opened. 

Darcy was in the middle of the lobby when he exited, and she waved at the security guard who nodded back to her. The guard watched her exit the building before his eyes darted back to Bucky, who slouched his shoulders and made a show of yawning while putting his security badge into his coat pocket, pretending to be just another employee working late. He ran a hand through his hair and then grimaced while gripping his shoulder and rolling his neck. With eyes half closed, he turned up the collar of his coat, shoved his hands into his pockets, and leaned back against the door to open it, nodding to the guard in a tired way. 

The cold hit his face and took his breath away. He had to close his eyes to push away the jolt of terror he felt, his body reacting to the sudden cold that usually heralded a return to cryo-freeze. He staggered, his hand shooting out to catch him on the building. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the guard stand.

Just go back inside, the cowardly part of his brain whispered. Go back upstairs to the grave you’ve dug for yourself, bury yourself alive in whatever vague comfort Stark’s gilded prison could afford a subhuman like the Soldier. 

Forget this…whatever stupid thing he was doing. He should have had JARVIS hold the elevator and woken Steve up. Should have had the car waiting for her. 

Shouldn’t have thought he could do this.

Bucky forced himself to take a deep breath and then another, his lungs protesting at the cold. He forced his feet to move, taking him out of sight of the guard who was still watching him, and clenched his fists, pulling his flesh one from his pocket. When he reached the corner of the building, he glanced up to see Darcy at least a block and a half away from him. 

His knuckles burst open as he punched the corner of the building. He grasped the pain like a life raft, giving him something to focus on. Pain had been his constant companion for over half a century. 

The coward was forced back as the Soldier took his place, refocused on the task of protecting Darcy. 

Bucky closed the distance between them to a block, keeping his eyes trained on Darcy’s back. He felt a hint of frustration that she didn’t even seem to realize anyone was following her, and felt justified in escorting her home even if it was without her knowledge. 

The warm rush of air that hit his face as he descended the steps of the subway made something in his chest clench. He avoided subways in general, given the amount of surveillance cameras that operated in such a small area, but he felt a wave of nostalgia as he followed Darcy down. He’d spent years on this subway, traveling from the Brooklyn tenement he’d shared with Steve to the docks for the early morning unloading, or to the grocery store where he stocked shelves. He’d joined a construction crew for a month before his cousin had gotten him a position on a moving crew. 

One thing he’d forgotten, however, was the fare. Bucky stared at the turn still and realized that he hadn’t thought to grab Steve’s wallet on his way out of the Tower.

Well, it wasn’t the first time he’d jumped it, he thought with a smirk. 

Buck felt exposed as he positioned himself a few feet away and behind Darcy. If she turned, she’d see him – not that she was likely to. She had her headphones in and her eyes were glossy with a thousand mile stare. He itched to move closer when he saw her swaying with exhaustion. 

Instead, he scanned the platform, keeping his head down to avoid the cameras. A spike of anger shot through him – he hadn’t prepared for this, hadn’t taken any measures to ensure that his face wasn’t caught on camera. Hell, even grabbing one of Steve’s ball caps would have been better than leaving himself vulnerable with only the collar of his coat and his too long hair to hide his identity. Scowling, he started to run a mental threat analysis on the handful of people milling around. Only one held his attention – white male, late twenties, heavyset – who watched Darcy too closely. He stared at the man who eventually looked at him; Buck let his gaze harden and the man flinched before dropping his eyes to the floor. 

When the train pulled into the station, Darcy stepped into the closest car and found a seat, quickly closing her eyes and tipping her head back to rest on the window. Buck took a spot at the end of the car where he had a clear line of sight on her and everyone else. The train swayed as it made its way along the tracks, and he watched Darcy’s limp body sway with it. He only knew she was awake because every once in a while she pulled out her phone to change the song she was listening to before returning both hands to her pockets. 

Buck tried hard not to think that every minute pulled him away from the safety of the Tower.

His jaw was clenched tight and his nails were digging into his leg to keep from shaking when Darcy opened her eyes and shifted nearly an hour later. He kept his head ducked as she glanced around the car but he felt her eyes linger on him just a moment too long as the train pulled into the station. 

The doors opened to another icy blast and Buck staggered out onto the dimly lit platform, clenching his fists in his coat. The scabs on his knuckles broke open, bringing another welcome shot of pain as he ducked his head and forced himself to take a lungful of cold air that shook him to his core. 

When he looked up, Darcy was nowhere in sight.

Panic shot through him as he started towards the exit. 

“Sarge?” The knife was in his hand before his brain could catch up. Darcy blanched, holding her hands in front of her as she took a step away from the pillar she’d been hiding behind. Horrified – both at pointing a weapon at her and being caught by a civilian – he quickly sheathed it. Her wide eyes followed the movements before lowering her hands and frowning as she took in his appearance. Her eyes lingered on the dried blood on his hand so he shoved that back into his pocket. “What are you doing here?” 

He stared at her and she looked right back, raising an eyebrow while hunching her shoulders against the cold. “Making sure you get home.” Her expression changed into something he hoped was fondness before she huffed, her breath flashing white in the cold. 

“You didn’t need to do that – I make this trek at least twice a day, every day.”

“It’s late.”

“Yeah, and really far away from the Tower. You should hop the next train and head back. Or call someone to come get you so you actually get back at a decent hour,” she added, pulling out her phone to glance at the time. A grimace shot across her face before she sighed. 

“No.” 

She sighed again and rolled her eyes before jerking her head toward the exit. “Fine. Who am I to turned down an armed escort to make sure I don’t get on the bad side of some rats?” Buck felt a shot of pleasure shoot up his spine as she fell into step beside him. He shifted so she was on his right side and heard her soft chuckle. He also heard her huff of disbelief when he jumped the turn still, but she didn’t say anything.

They walked in silence, Darcy leading the way down the stairs and onto the street. His eyes darted everywhere, taking in the new terrain.

Beside him, Darcy’s eyes were on the ground, glancing up every once in a while to check a street sign. Her shoulders were almost up to her ears, and Buck felt the urge to put his arm around her and pull her closer. A long dormant part of his mind whispered that she would fit perfectly, her head coming just up to his shoulder, but pushed that down. Having her that close would slow his reaction time if attacked. And she was Steve’s girl. 

She came to a stop in front of a wrought iron fence and turned to face him and smiled, pushing her hair behind her ear. “Well, this is me. Thanks for walking me home, even if it was completely unnecessary.” Under the soft glow of the streetlights, he saw her bite her lower lip and he wanted to reach out to cup her cheek, to pull her closer and kiss away the indent her teeth left. 

He pushed that away and nodded towards the steps. “You should get inside.” Darcy nodded and looked down at the ground and then up at him through her eyelashes. 

“Are you going to take the train back? Or do you want me to wait while you order a car?” 

“Go inside. I’ll find a way back.” 

“You can crash here if you want. I’m headed back into the city for a meeting with Pepper at 9:00.” 

That surge of wanting hit him again but he shook his head. “I’ll be fine.” 

“Okay. Take this, at least,” she said, reaching up to unbutton her coat. He opened his mouth to protest when she started to unwind her scarf but she shot him a silencing look. Darcy stepped closer and reached up to drape it around his neck, wrapping it twice. His muscles bunched as though to fight off a garrote attack but he forced himself to relax. He felt something close his throat and a foreign pricking in his eyes when she tucked the ends into his coat. 

A floral, sweet scent clung to the fabric. She smiled up at him and shrugged. “I’d offer you my gloves but your hands are a lot bigger than mine. But make sure you get those knuckles looked at.” He nodded, knowing that he wouldn’t. Her hands were still on his chest, holding the lapels of his coat, and she used it as leverage to pull him down as she stood on her toes.

Her lips were warm on his cheek. 

She smoothed down his coat once back on her feet and grinned up at him. “We still on for gingerbread houses?”

Buck had to clear his throat twice before whispering, “Yeah.” 

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah.”

He watched her climb the steps and pull out her keys from her pocket to get into the lobby. He felt a fission of happiness when he saw a can of pepper spray hanging off of her keychain. 

Darcy paused in the doorway and smiled at him. “Night, Sarge.”

“Night.”

Much later, when he was shaking in his apartment, he held onto her scarf and watched the sun rise over New York City.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky had crawled into the shower to wash away the cold sweat and stink of fear, then barked at a confused Steve that he was expected in the kitchen at noon before collapsing into bed. He stared up at the ceiling, Darcy’s scarf folded and sitting on his bedside table. It wasn’t until he grabbed it and put it on his chest, feeling like an utter creep when he did so, that his eyes finally shut. 

They were silent in the elevator, but he saw Steve glancing at him with worry etched on his face. Buck hated that he put that look there. Again.

The kitchen was still empty as the clock inched closer to 12:30 with no sign of Darcy. After his attempts at starting a conversation was shut down over and over, Steve drifted away and turned on the television to some mindless sitcom. 

It was 12:44 when he heard the elevator open and he heard her footsteps. While Darcy normally tread lightly, she was walking heavily. Steve reached for the remote and turned off the TV as she walked in, a bag handing off her shoulder and another in her hand with a scowl on her flushed face. 

“What happened?” he demanded, pushing off the counter and moving towards her. She huffed and held tighter to her bag when he reached for it.

“I can do it myself,” she snapped, glaring up at him. 

“Darce?” Steve said, appearing at his elbow. 

She huffed and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. When her eyes opened again, she pasted a fake smile on her lips and shouldered past them into the kitchen. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. Whose ready for gingerbread?” 

Steve and Buck exchanged a look but followed her, watching as she threw her coat over the back of a chair and started to pull out bags of flour, sugar, a bottle of molasses, some gumdrops, and the other supplies she needed from the totes. Steve picked up a bag of freeze-dried raspberries and raised an eyebrow.

“I need to make some more truffles for Thor’s mom,” she explained before turning away to walk towards the refrigerator. The men exchanged another look when they heard her mutter, “Good thing I know it’s for Frigga or Jane would be shit out of luck, making her future mother-in-law her own god damn truffles.” 

The fake smile was back in place when she turned around and set a carton of eggs on the counter. “The dough is going to need to refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, so I figured we could get that taken care of before starting the truffles since those need to chill for an hour.”

“Sounds good,” Steve nodded when Buck stayed silent, watching Darcy closely. 

“Great. Wanna grab the stand mixer and start creaming the butter and sugar while I get the flour sifted?”

Darcy’s mood seemed to lighten as they worked, humming along with the Christmas songs that JARVIS played.

The gingerbread house was cooling when JARVIS chimed. “Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark requests your presence in his laboratory to assist with an experiment.” 

“On my way,” Steve said quickly, pushing off the counter where he’d been cutting out gingerbread men while also slowly making his way through some of the cooling cookies. “This tray’s ready to go in. You guys got this covered?” 

“Go before you give yourself diabetes,” Darcy smirked, grabbing the tray. She turned her face away from the oven when she opened it but the steam still clouded her glasses. Steve grinned and shook his head. 

“Don’t think it’s possible, but I’m willing to take that chance if you want to keep baking all this good stuff.” She rolled her eyes and blushed, and Bucky felt a flare of jealousy and ducked his head to put the mixer back into the cabinet.

“Looks like it’s just us,” she said as Steve disappeared from view. “You ready to start putting this thing together?” 

“Sure.”

“You’re gonna have to really help out with this part – Bronte usually does the assembly.” Darcy pulled up her hair and washed her hands again before grabbing a pan and dumping sugar into it. “Why don’t you get everything set up so we can just dip the sides and throw this baby together? Then we can get to the fun part.” 

“Which is?”

“Decorating – duh,” she said, grinning at him as she put the pan on the stove. “I got a crap ton of candy for us to use. Wanna break open the cinnamon hearts for me?” 

He dug into one of the bags and pulled out the requested candy, holding the opened bag out to her. Darcy winked and took a few, popping them into her mouth. When she raised her eyebrows, he took one as well. The spicy heat on his tongue made him smile at the new discovery and Darcy chuckled, reaching for another. “I like cinnamon candy.” 

“Me too. Way better than peppermint.” He nodded. “What else do you like?”

“I don’t know.” Her smile dipped slightly and he mentally scrambled for something to say in order to put the smile back on her face. “Molasses cookies.” 

The words came out before he could stop them. Darcy threw her head back as she laughed loudly, and Bucky’s smiled again. “It must be an old guy thing – my neighbor loves those too. I traded him some of those a few weeks ago to look at our radiator when the super was taking too long.” 

“What can I trade to get some?”

Buck felt his face flush, matching the pink in Darcy’s cheeks as she huffed out a laugh and turned back to the stove. “Well, I think walking me home at 2:00 in the morning qualifies. I don’t have the dark molasses and nutmeg with me so I’ll have to make them at home tonight.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“Psh, it’s nothing,” she said, waving her hand over her shoulder.

“Your scarf is in my room.”

“Oh! Here – stir this. I need to grab something.” Darcy’s hand brushed his, her fingers warm against his, as she handed him the metal whisk and took a step back. He watched her go to her jacket and reach into one of the pockets. She pulled out a pair of plain black gloves with a flourish and grinned, “I hope these fit. And you can keep the scarf if you want to.” 

Bucky felt a lump in his throat as she moved closer, holding them out to him. It wasn’t that people didn’t give him things – hell, Steve had bought him almost everything he owned and Stark let him stay there for free – but it was usually with strings attached. Steve wanted his friend back. Stark wanted access to the arm and to have an eye on one of the most infamous assassins of the 20th century. 

Darcy had no apparent agenda. No reason to give him anything. No reason to care if he was cold or to make him cookies. 

When he didn’t move, she took his hand – his metal hand – and put the gloves on his palm, curling his fingers over them. The sensors picked up the softness of her hand when she didn’t pull away, the warmth and slightly elevated heart rate. When his eyes moved from their hands to meet hers, he heard the slight hitch in her breath and felt her heartbeat increase. 

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, and his eyes followed the motion. Darcy moved a step closer, and then jumped away when the oven timer started to go off. “Shit,” she whispered, taking another step back and dropping his hand as she reached for the oven mitts. He moved away as she reached for the oven door and pulled it open. “Shit,” she said again, turning her head away as her glasses completely fogged over. When she stood up to take them off and remove one of the mitts, he reached in and took the tray out with his metal hand, placing it on the stovetop.

Darcy stared at him, her mouth hanging open slightly. Bucky stilled, wondering if he’d made another misstep, if he’d made her uncomfortable. 

“That’s… that’s really handy.” Darcy snorted and shook her head. “Unintentional pun.” She reached over him and briefly covered his flesh hand with hers as she retrieved the whisk and continued to stir the melting sugar. The move brought her closer to him, and he could smell the floral scent that had clung to her scarf layered under brown sugar and the heavy smell of molasses. “Do you, uh, want to grab the gingerbread and the cookie sheet?”

Reluctantly, he moved away and retrieved the items, placing them at her elbow. She smiled and moved a strand of hair from her face with her wrist before picking up two of the gingerbread walls. He watched as she pulled the pan off the burner and dipped the sides into the melted sugar and quickly pressed the cookies together. When it hardened, she grabbed another wall and repeated the process. “Do you mind putting these on the cooling rack?” she asked, motioning towards the tray of cookies on her other side. “That way I can move this a bit closer?”

He’d no sooner turned his back when he heard her yell, “FUCK!” 

Bucky whipped around and saw the gingerbread on the stove and Darcy racing for the sink. Adrenaline flooding his system¬ and he was a step behind her as she reached for the cold water tap and shoved her left index finger underneath it. He could see the blister appearing, stretching from her palm to the first joint, as she tried to wash away the molten sugar. 

Darcy’s teeth bit into her lower lip and tears clung to her lashes. “Let me see,” he said, gently taking her hand in his. She whimpered as he cradled her hand with his metal one, feeling her racing heart beat and detected the heat coming off of the burn, while he gently probed the area around the wound with his other. “We’re going to medical.” 

“No, I just – ” she started, pulling away and moving her hand back towards the cold water. 

“It needs to be looked at.” Darcy shook her head and he let out a growl of frustration. She jumped as he started to pull open drawers and slam them shut, finally finding what he was looking for. He held the cloth underneath her hand to catch the water before wringing it out and folding it. She whimpered again – the sound cut right through him – when he gently pulled her hand away and wrapped her finger in the cloth before turning off the water. Darcy brought her hand up to her chest and closed her eyes. “Come on,” he said softly. When she wouldn’t move, he stepped closer and placed his arm around her waist, pushing her towards the elevator. 

She was silent except for the soft sniffling, and Bucky swallowed hard as she leaned against him. The elevator doors slid open and he shoved down the urge to flinch away at the chemical smell that flooded in. He’d avoided this floor; he’d only been on it twice – when he was first brought in, and when Steve had been seriously injured out on a mission. The latter had killed him – he hadn’t been there to watch his best friend’s six. Instead, he’d been safely at home, too scared to go outside. 

A nurse stepped out from behind a desk and smiled. “I hear there was a cooking accident?” Darcy nodded and hesitantly held out her hand. The nurse pulled away the cloth and tsked sympathetically. “Looks like you got yourself pretty good – second degree burns. Lets get you into a room so I can clean this up.” 

He stayed a step behind her as she was guided into an exam room and sat on the table. Buck took a spot against the wall and folded his arms, watching vigilantly as the older woman bustled around. He cringed as she snapped on a pair of gloves before retrieving some ointment, a gauze pad, and some medical tape while asking Darcy what happened. She smiled as she spread the ointment on Darcy’s finger before wrapping the gauze around it and taping it in place. “You’re going to want to keep applying some topical ointment – I can give you this tube if you don’t have any – and make sure you don’t break the blister. Try and keep it dry and make sure you change the dressing every day, more if you’ve got drainage. You can take an over the counter pain reliever if you need it.” 

Bucky mentally catalogued what was in his personal medical kit and what he would need JARVIS to put a rushed order on. 

All in all, the visit took less than fifteen minutes but he felt a complete sense of relief when they stepped on the elevator. Darcy was silent as she cradled her hand again and stared at the floor, unaware that Buck reached out to press the button for his floor. She didn’t notice until the doors opened and he ushered her out. “Stay here,” he said, glancing around to see if Steve was around. He felt like telling JARVIS that the punk needed to get up there to comfort his girl but selfishly decided not to. 

He was crouched to look under his sink when he heard it, and was halfway back to the living room before the sound registered. 

Bucky’d been mutilated and stabbed, shot and treated without anything to dull the pain but hearing Darcy crying was a new level of agony. Her hands covered her face, her index finger held carefully away, trying to stifled the sound. Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms. Her hands fell from her face and wrapped around him as she pressed her forehead to his chest and sobbed. 

He rubbed small circles on her back and leaned down to kiss her hair. Her breath stuttered and her hold tightened, gripping the back of his shirt. A few minutes passed before she shook her head and pulled away, sniffling and wiping at her puffy, red eyes. “Sorry. Sorry – shouldn’t have snotted all over you. I just… sorry. It’s just been a shit day and this is just the cherry on top.”

“What happened?” he asked, reaching up to push a strand of hair from her face. She took a step back and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand, shaking her head.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He studied her for a moment before walking into the kitchen and grabbing the paper towel roll. 

“What happened?” he asked again, handing her one.

Darcy let out a weak chuckle and mopped at her face before blowing her nose and reaching for another paper towel. “I got a job offer. Which should be good but now Jane and I are fighting. And now I need to tell two bosses that I’m handing in my notice which, yeah – one is just seasonal work, but I’ve been at the diner for almost a year so that’s gonna suck really bad because they’re really good to me. And I’m really fucking missing my sister right now. I was trying to save up some money to go see her and my brother-in-law in California but I can’t afford to go out now and when Bronte has the baby so this is the first Christmas we haven’t been together since Mom died. And I can’t even make a stupid gingerbread house without giving myself second degree burns.” Her breath caught and she shook her head. “And then I lost it in front of you and am really embarrassed about that.” 

“Don’t.” 

“Easier said then done.” She blew her nose and then looked around. She moved towards the trashcan and flipped up the lid to throw away the mess before walking into the kitchen and washing her hands. “I’m gonna go clean up the kitchen and head out. I’m ready for this day to be over.” 

“I’ll do it,” Bucky offered. 

“I’ve got it. I’m just gonna throw the house in the trash unless you want it.” 

“I can put it together…finish it for you.” Darcy shook her head.

“It’s not worth the burns. This shit really hurts.” A smile tugged at his mouth as he raised his metal hand and waved his fingers. 

Darcy leaned across the counter to examine their finished house. The roof was crooked with a gap at the peak that they’d tried to hide with gumdrops. The walls didn’t line up – the one she’d dropped had been cemented to the stovetop when they got back and they’d had to cut it off. The icing they’d used was too runny and had dripped as she’d tried to pipe on loops on the roof and outline the windows and door, making the candy they’d put on slide off. 

Bucky frowned, watching as the back wall fell.

She pushed the bowl of cinnamon hearts towards him and grinned. “It’s perfect.” 

With cinnamon burning on his tongue and a pretty girl leaning just close enough that he could see down her shirt, Bucky couldn’t help but agree.


	6. Chapter 6

He couldn’t sleep. 

Bucky lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling with the afternoon playing over and over in his head. 

He could see her grin when he’d reached over to push the hair from her face as she dipped truffles in chocolate after she’d shaken it from her eyes three times. Heard her laugh as he’d cursed when the gingerbread house had crumbled completely, and her concern about the melted sugar and sprinkles getting caught between the plates on his hand. 

He could feel the weight of her head against his chest as he held her when she cried, and the way she’d moved closer to him as they stood outside waiting for the car he’d ordered her.

But mostly he could feel the warmth of her lips against his cheek. 

Buck could also see Steve’s surprised look when he’d come back to the apartment, sweat on his brow as he hung his coat up. It had turned smug when he walked into his room and shut the door behind him.

When sleep refused to come, he pulled his computer from the bedside table and continued his search for a gift.

There was an email from Darcy in his inbox when he checked it that morning, saying that she was going to be in the lab at 8:30AM if he wanted to pick up the cookies. It had also included her phone number – because “I check my phone a lot more frequently than my email”. 

Nine floors above the lab, the elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Stark eyed him before stepping in and reaching to push his floor but stopped when he saw it lit up. His eyebrow rose and he moved to lean against the wall, looking at Bucky who stared purposefully forward. “Had a chance to think about the schematics I showed you?”

“No.”

“If it’s about the kill switches, we can work around those to make sure the neurotoxins are neutralized. And if I trip one, Cho will be on site to make sure that we’ve got the antidotes to whatever nasty shit Hydra put in there. She also said that she might be able to reverse some of the nerve damage in the cradle, maybe even figure out a way to cover the arm with flesh so it won’t stick out so much.”

Bucky didn’t say anything as the doors opened even as he turned the thought over in his head. Having two normal looking arms would help with concealment – the Soldier was easily distinguishable by the metal arm. 

Stark led the way into the lab where Darcy was pouring herself a cup of coffee as Jane stared intently at her computer screen, headphones jammed into her ears. “So I hear my offer’s caused some trouble in paradise?” 

Darcy jumped and turned to face them, shaking coffee from her hand. “What?” Buck pushed down the urge to go check her hand for burns. He could tell that she’d changed the bandage on her finger.

“A little birdy told me that you and Jane had it out yesterday over my job offer.” Her smile was replaced with a scowl, and her eyes shot over to Jane, who typed louder. Stark caught the look and raised an eyebrow.

“I appreciate what Jane was trying to do, but I didn’t need her to talk to you about my personal life.” 

“She didn’t, Short Stack. You sold yourself out.” Buck heard the huff from the other side of the room as Stark leaned back against a table and crossed his arms. 

“What?” Darcy asked.

“You’re the one who mentioned needing to swap shifts to me and Pep. We tend to take our employees working multiple jobs personally. Especially ones we’re paying from a grant.” 

Darcy flushed and cupped her coffee mug with both hands, cradling it against her chest as she leaned back against the counter. “The grant position is for Jane to have another physicist – ”

“Yeah,” Stark said, waving a hand to cut her off. “Got that. Went back and looked over it – you left yourself out, kid. That on purpose?” The typing slowed, and then stopped entirely as Jane looked up as Darcy lowered her head, her hair falling into her face. She mumbled something before taking a sip of her coffee, which made Stark cup his ear. “Come again?”

“I’m not qualified to work with Jane,” she said a bit louder, dropping one hand to hug her waist. 

“Bullshit!” Jane’s chair screeched as she stood, her palms flat against the table as she leaned over her computer. Coffee sloshed over the mug’s rim, and Bucky wondered if he would need to take her to be checked for burns again. “Darcy, how many times I have told you – ”

“I don’t understand anything you’re doing!” Darcy shot back, wisely placing the coffee back on the counter. “How can I – ”

“You help me collate and run the data all the time – ” 

“But I don’t understand it!”

“And you freaking write all of my grants!”

“That’s because you’re horrible at writing!”

“You schedule all of my travel and observatory time, and make sure I have the good markers that I like and – ”

“So what it sounds like,” Stark said, raising his hand to interrupt the two women. “Is that Darcy’s already operating as the _de facto_ lab manager.”

“Only out of necessity,” Darcy snapped. “Once Jane has a real assistant – ”

“You are – ”

“You think an assistant’s going to want to do all that admin work?” Stark interrupted. “Whoever Jane hires is going to want to be in research with her, not handling the paperwork. So here’s what I propose – ” 

“Tony – ”

Bucky wanted to cross the room and put his hand over Darcy’s mouth to keep her from talking. She was going to let her pride get in the way of having it a bit easier. 

“We rewrite the grant with you as the lab manager for Jane and Bruce. He could use a little oversight too. If you don’t want to do that, I’ll take you on as mine but I really prefer JARVIS. Pepper also looked at your resume and said there’s a few departments she thinks you’d be good in.” 

“I…” Darcy turned to look at Jane, who gave her a weak smile.

“Right! So you think that over and get back to me. Can I get one of those cookies?” Stark asked, pointing to the container next to her purse.

“Those are for Sarge,” she replied in a daze, slowly turning to look at him. Buck smiled. Next to him, Stark raised an eyebrow.

“Why’s he get special treats?”

“Because he does.”

“I’ll add $5,000 to your salary if you bake me cookies at least once a week.” 

“I’ll think about it. Now, if you don’t mind… I think Jane and I need to talk.” 

“Fine. If you could just get us the answer by the end of the day, we can start working on your paperwork before everyone leaves for the holiday.” 

“Right.” Stark looked at Jane before winking at Darcy. The younger woman let out a deep sigh and hung her head when the door closed behind him. Buck looked between the two women before taking a silent step closer to Darcy, who looked up when she saw his boots in front of her. 

“You should think about it,” he said softly. When she looked up at him, her glasses were slipping down her nose and she was chewing on her lower lip. 

Without thinking, he reached up and cupped her face, his thumb gently tugging her lip free before tracing down her chin. He felt her pulse jump where his fingers rested against her jaw, and when he raised his eyes from watching the pink return to her mouth, he could just see a ring of blue behind her glasses as her breath stuttered against his hand. 

Gentle pressure would raise her head forty degrees and to the left. Half a step would bring her within a comfortable distance to wrap an arm around her waist. This would allow him to stabilize her if she surged onto her toes to close the nine inch height difference between them as she had the past two times she’d kissed his cheek. He could easily cover that distance with minimal effort if she didn’t, maybe lift her onto the counter to make sure she didn’t strain her neck. 

He’d just lifted his foot to take that step when the coffee pot let out a loud beep.

Bucky dropped his hand as quickly as if he’d been scalded, and Darcy jumped. 

Guilt flooded him. He’d been about to kiss Steve’s girl. 

He turned on his heel and fled the lab. As the door closed, he could hear Jane ask, “The fuck was that?”

Bucky stayed in the gym, trying to work out his disgust with himself. 

For a moment, he’d thought he was good enough – human enough – that Darcy might allow him to feel the softness of her lips against his. That she would welcome his blood drenched hands anywhere near her. That her pulse jumped from anything but fear when he was too close. 

He forgot what he was when she was near. He forgot that he was a monster. 

No. 

He was what monsters feared. He had stalked monsters, had killed them with rifles and knives. With his bare hands – human and metal. Had watched the light drain from their eyes as he unquestioningly followed orders.

The Soldier had no purpose but to kill. 

Drenched in sweat, he stumbled back into the apartment and staggered to his room. He lifted his arm to swipe at his face as he reached to shoulder open his bedroom door.

Too late, he noticed the container on the floor in front of it. Caught between his ankle and the door, the lid flew off and shot away as the door opened. The bowl turned onto its side and rolled across the floor. 

Bucky froze. 

Cookies littered the carpet.

His eyes landed on the white piece of paper taped to the red lid, and he snatched it off the floor. 

Two words were written on it in cramped handwriting.

I’m sorry.

Tears flooded his eyes as Bucky dropped to his knees and scooped the cookies back into the container.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget about this! Being back at work and in class kind of cut down on my time to write. 
> 
> I really do love writing angst, so I'm sorry if that's not your jam. Trying to show what complex PTSD looks like is kinda hard. I promise there is a happy ending to the story.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the overuse of the word 'okay' and ellipses. Super long (comparatively) chapter.

Bucky stayed in his room for the rest of the afternoon.

He’d made her think that his being fucked up was her fault. That she had anything to apologize for when he’d done nothing but force himself on her in repayment for her kindness.

She felt like she needed to be nice because of what he was to Steve. He was so entwined in Steve’s life that she thought she needed to tolerate him and he’d overstepped. Had, for just a moment, forgotten what he was.

He shoved her scarf and gloves into the back of his closet and put the container of cookies by his trashcan.

It was nearly six when Steve knocked on his door and pushed it open to find him with his back against the wall in the corner of the room, staring blankly at the floor. He sighed and closed the door, slowly making his way over to sit beside him, pulling his knees up to his chest and draping his forearms across them.

They were silent for a long time until Steve cleared his throat. “What happened?”

Buck didn’t say anything.

“Is it Darcy?”

The silence stretched again until Steve stood up.

He was too much of a burden. He had nothing to offer anyone except for his ability to kill.

Steve wanted his old friend back, someone who didn’t exist anymore. Stark wanted an eye on him, and so did the rest of the Avengers.

Darcy only wanted his friendship because of Steve.

Steve put the container between them as he sat back down and lifted the lid. “Darcy make these?”

Bucky didn’t say anything as he picked up a cookie and took a bite. The groan he made was obscene. “Jesus, these taste like Becca’s.”

Becca.

The name made his heart stutter as he pictured his little sister – her dark hair swept back away from her brown eyes. How her eyes and nose crinkled when she laughed at whatever stupid thing he said.

The scowl on her face as he snuck another cookie from the cooling rack.

She’d always saved up her money towards the end of the year to buy the extra sugar and butter she needed to make molasses cookies to put in their socks for Christmas gifts.

He ducked his head to hide the tears on his cheeks.

Steve shifted closer but didn’t touch him.

Eventually, he slowly reached out and took one of the cookies, breaking off a small piece.

It tasted like home.

  
“I need help.”

  
Steve glanced over at him as they stood in the elevator, waiting for it to reach their floor. Sweat pooled at Bucky’s temple and he had to push back a wave of exhaustion.

It had taken every ounce of strength he possessed to complete the mission.

But he had what he needed.

  
The streets were deserted as he pulled the car into a vacant spot two blocks from the apartment. His heart was pounding and he leaned forward until his forehead was pressed against the steering wheel.

He forced himself to take a deep breath, and then another as he rested his hand on the knife sheath on his belt. There was a gun in the glove box that he holstered on his lower back.

Bucky felt himself edging towards a panic attack as he sat up and adjusted his baseball cap. If he didn’t move now, get to a more secure place than a parking spot away from a light pole, he was going to end up speeding back to the Tower.

He quickly pulled out his rarely used cell phone and dialed the most recently added contact.

It rang and rang and rang before turning over to voicemail.

He listened to the dead air for a long moment before clearing his throat. “It’s, uh…it’s Bucky. Forget it.”

He hung up and tossed the phone into the passenger seat before putting his head back on the steering wheel. This was stupid. It was a mistake. It was –

The phone rang.

Bucky stared at it so long that it stopped ringing.

It started again seconds later.

This time, he snatched it up and hesitated before answering it. “Hello?”

“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Her voice was rough with sleep and edged with panic.  
Guilt gnawed at his stomach.

“Yeah.”

He heard Darcy sigh before clearing her throat. “Are you okay?”

“I…I’m here.”

There was silence and worry laced her next words, “That’s not really an answer. Here, as in just existing? Where’s Steve? Do you need me to come over?”

He bit back a groan and ran a hand down his face. She thought he was suicidal. “I’m fine. I’m…I’m at your apartment.”

“You’re what?” There was rustling in the background. “Where? I don’t see you.”

“Down the street.”

“Okay…you promise everything is okay?” He nodded before realizing she couldn’t see him.

“Yeah. I’ll…I’ll be there in a minute. If…if that’s okay”

“See you in a minute.”

Bucky slipped the phone in his pocket and glanced at himself in the rearview mirror. He should have shaved, he thought while swiping his too long hair behind his ear. After checking his pockets, he took a steeling breath and gripped the door handle.

The cold punched him in the chest, and he fought down the panic rising in his throat.

With hands shoved in his coat, he locked the car and lowered his head. The sidewalks were icy, which gave him something to concentrate on as the cowardly part of his brain whispered that he should turn back.

He saw her standing outside her gate, shoulders hunched up to her ears as she bounced on her toes. Her arms were tight around her middle, holding her coat closed. Flannel pants were shoved into snow boots. He could see the white puffs of her breath in the street light. Bucky sped up, feeling sorry that he’d pulled her from her warm bed.

“Hey,” Darcy said when he got closer. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure? ‘Cause it’s almost two in the morning, and you’re in Brooklyn.” A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth before she brought her hands up and blew on them.

“Yeah. I just…I needed…” Bucky swallowed around the lump in his throat as his shaking hand clenched in his pocket. He forced his body into stillness as it prepared for a fight.

She looked up at him expectantly.

“I…” 

When words failed him again, Darcy gave him a tired smile and tilted her head towards the building. “Let’s go inside – I’m freezing.”

Sweat pooled under his cap and arm as he followed a step behind her, anxiety of being outside warring with entering unfamiliar terrain.

He scanned the lobby as they walked towards it. The little light that reached the glass showed a bank of mailboxes and a staircase beside it. The hallway on the right was dominated by shadows. Two security cameras – one pointed at the front door, the other at the single stairwell. Limited access points to the higher floors. Difficult to escape but not impossible. Collateral damage likely.

There was a jingling sound as she pulled out her keys, and he reached over her head after she unlocked the door to hold it open. She smiled and ducked under his arm.

Buck could feel the weight of her gaze on his back as he pulled the door tightly closed and studied the street to see if anyone had followed him.

“Sarge?”

He flinched at the hand that landed on his arm. It quickly withdrew.

“Sorry. Are you…do you want to come up? I’m on the sixth floor and there’s no elevator.”

The silence had stretched too long and Darcy shifted, cocking her head and furrowing her eyebrows. He nodded.

Her eyes lingered on him for a moment before she turned, her boots squeaking on the linoleum, and started to climb the stairs. He should be in front of her, clearing the floors as they ascended.

Buck pulled in a shaking breath and held it as he gripped the banisters and ducked his head.

“Sarge?”

He forced his head up.

She’d reached the first landing before he’d climbed the first step.

Darcy stared at him, her teeth digging into her lower lip before she walked down to stand in front of him, standing on the second stair to meet his gaze. Slowly, she raised her hands and covered his.

Her hands were cold. Both of his registered this fact. He could feel the raised blister on her left hand pressing lightly on his knuckle.

Her blue eyes were wide with worry.

He hated that he caused that, and lowered his eyes.

“Do you want me to call Steve?”

Shame and embarrassment washed over him. He shook his head.

“Okay. Do you want me to call a car so we can go back to the Tower?”

Bucky grit his teeth and put his foot on the first stair, raising his eyes to the level of her collarbone where it peaked up from her open coat. Her fingers curled around his palms, gently pulling his hands from the banisters as she took a step backwards. The new height brought his gaze level with her breasts. It took him a minute to realize that he shouldn’t stare, and he took another step up to bring himself level with her collarbone again.

When she took another step up he followed her, his gaze never shifting.

Darcy snorted a laugh and looked up at him when he reached the first landing. Her back was to the dimly lit hallway three steps above her. “If I give you permission to stare at my ass, can I walk up normally? I feel like I’m gonna trip and crack my head open if I keep walking backwards. Or are you more of a tits guy, and that’s the better incentive?”

His loud laugh startled them both, and Darcy was stunned for a moment before she started to laugh. “Ssshhh,” she chuckled, “we’re gonna piss off my neighbors.”

She dropped his metal hand and turned, gently pulling him up the stairs and along the hallway to the next flight.

The view was just as good.

When they reached the sixth floor, she let go of his hand and dug into her pocket for her keys again as she led him to the end of the hallway. “My roommate’s asleep, so we’ll need to be quiet.”

Bucky followed her inside and barely had a chance to glance over at the living room before she took his hand and led him down a small hallway. He could hear soft breathing in one of the rooms they passed. Darcy pulled him into the second bedroom and waited until the door was closed before flicking on the light.

She shrugged off her coat and kicked off her boots as he looked around. Her bed dominated the room. Clothes were tossed on the floor, and a pile of shoes spilled out of her closet. Lights were strung up around the room, and a small Christmas tree sat on top of a stack of books against one of the walls. Her makeup was on the floor in front of a full length mirror, along with a coffee mug and a hair dryer.

He caught sight of himself and grimaced at his pale reflection.

“Please ignore the mess,” she said, grabbing some of the clothes and stuffing them into a laundry basket before shoving her closet closed. “Wasn’t expecting company.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe this’ll give me the kick I need to clean my depression den.” Darcy sat on her bed, curling her legs beneath her, and patted the spot beside her. “So what brings you to my humble abode at such an ungodly hour?”

Bucky cleared his throat but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. She gave him an encouraging smile while running a hand through her hair to smooth the fly away strands, and he wasn’t able to speak for another reason.

God she was beautiful.

A flush rose in her cheeks the longer he stared and she tugged the sleeves of her shirt over her hands before crossing her arms over her stomach and leaning forward slightly. Her eyes dropped to the floor. “I…um…I’m sorry. About yesterday. It…uh,” Darcy stuttered before shaking her head and tugging the corner of her mouth between her teeth. She reached up with both hands to push her hair behind her ears. “I didn’t – ”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“I did. I know I can get kind of pushy and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfort – ”

“Darcy.”

“ – Able in your own home. Steve told me that you’re not really a big fan of new people and – ”

“Are you dating?”

Darcy stared at him, her mouth slightly open before she pressed her lips into a thin line and cocked her head. “Like, in general?”

“Steve.”

“Steve?

“Are you…his girl?”

“No. Why?”

“You’re…”

“Single.”

Bucky swallowed hard and lowered his gaze as something in his chest unclenched. Steve had told him that he wasn’t seeing Darcy, but… there’d been a part of him that didn’t believe it.

Darcy sighed and patted the spot next to her again. “I get the feeling that you didn’t come all the way out here to ask about my dating history?”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and Buck forced his feet to move until he was standing in front of her. She looked up at him. He slowly took his hand from his pocket and hesitated before reaching for her. Her mouth fell open as he lightly traced her cheekbone, causing a flush to appear on both of their faces. 

“You have got to stop doing that,” she breathed.

Bucky froze, and then took a step backwards, dropping his hand. “I-I’m sorry.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Darcy said, her eyes wide as she jumped to her feet and grabbed his hand to keep him from moving further away. He tensed at her sudden movement, and she bit her lip, her eyes lowered as she shrugged. “I just..You’re...wow. And I’m...I’m okay but when you look at me like that it’s…whoa.”

Confusion was written across his face when he tipped Darcy’s chin up to meet his eyes. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” 

Darcy’s face was bright red and she shook her head, his hand falling away as she dropped her eyes to the floor again and crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s…”

He hesitated only a moment before reaching for her again and cupping her cheek to tilt her head up forty degrees and to the left. 

Kissing was like disassembling a Glock. His lips brushed hers with long buried muscle memory.

She slowly opened her eyes when he pulled away. He allowed himself a moment to reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before taking half a step back and shoving his hands in his pockets, afraid that he would keep touching her if he didn’t. 

His fingers brushed a sharp corner and he stilled, refocusing on his mission. He hadn’t come to kiss her… hadn’t expected anything but anger at his appearance.

Darcy’s blue eyes sparkled as her fingers reached up to gently touch her lips. He pushed down the urge to cover them again with his own.

Instead, he withdrew an envelope from his coat and held it out to her. 

“What’s this?” She asked.

“Merry Christmas.” 

“You’re my Secret Santa?”

“Yes.” Her lip was back between her teeth. 

“Is that… is that why you hung out with me? To figure out what to get me?” 

“No.” Her eyes drifted up to meet his, and she let out a shaky breath and shook her head.

“We’re not doing gifts until the party tonight.” 

“Please?”

With a sigh, she took the envelope from him before turning away and retrieving her glasses from the pile of books that was beside her bed. A nervous smile crossed her mouth when she looked at him before pulling open the tab.

He prepared himself as she unfolded the two sheets of paper. His shoulders hunched and his eyes focused on a pair of socks on the floor.

Silence stretched between them, broken only by the shuffling of paper. “What is this?”

“Your present.” 

“No it’s not.” 

“Yes.” 

“This is… this is way too much. We had a $40 limit! These tickets are a couple hundred!” Darcy stared at the papers again before folding them again and shoving them back into the envelope. “It’s way too much.”

“It’s not.” 

“Yes it is!” She snapped before glancing at the wall she shared with her roommate. “Yes it is. I don’t need...I appreciate what you’re trying to do, buying me a plane ticket to see my sister, but I’m not… I don’t need you to do that.” Her hand was shaking as she held the envelope out to him. When he didn’t move to take it, she took a step closer. “Bucky!”

Her voice was sharp, and he forced himself not to flinch away. He knew that this would be her reaction. He’d prepared for it, but he had followed the mission parameters. 

“I only paid $40 for them.”

“Bullshit.” 

“A buy in for Stark’s poker game is $50.” 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Bucky slowly pulled his eyes from the floor to meet her angry gaze. She raised an eyebrow and shook the tickets at him again. “I won.” 

“You won what?”

“The game.” It hadn’t been easy, winning against people who lied for a living and counted cards. But he’d managed it. 

Darcy stared at him before shaking her head. “Doesn’t matter. These cost more than $40.”

“It only cost me $40.”

“You just said a buy in was $50.”

A smile curved his mouth and he shrugged. “I kept $10.”

He watched at her resolve started to crumble, the clear want battling with her pride written on her face. “Bucky…”

This time it was softer. Pleading rather than angry. 

“Please?”

When tears built in her eyes, he felt his stomach drop. He’d miscalculated. This wasn’t…

Kissing Darcy was like that first breath after cryo freeze. The breath that pulled painful warmth into frozen lungs, that encouraged his sluggish heart to beat faster. 

The breath that changed him from a frozen corpse into a human being. 

Her hands were light on his chest and the back of his neck, and he wrapped his own around her waist to stabilize her as she stood on her toes to bridge the nine inch height difference between them. 

Her teeth, which he’d watched bite her own lips so many times, nipped his before she smoothed away the flair of pain with her tongue.

When he felt her start to shake against him, pulling away as her muscles strained to hold her up, he bent to chase her lips. Darcy’s breath was warm against his mouth when she chuckled, pulling his cap from his head and tossing it behind him. When she pushed a strand of hair behind his ear, she frowned and lifted the damp lock. “You okay?” she asked, her fingers gliding along his sweat slicked forehead. “You’re not sick, are you?” 

“I’m fine,” he replied, pulling away her hand. She stared at him before shaking off his hold and resting her hands on his hips. He felt a spike of anxiety as her fingers brushed the knife hilt. 

Too close. 

She tensed when he did. “Sarge?”

He pushed down the fighting instinct. Darcy wasn’t trying to disarm him. 

“‘S fine. You… you should pack. Your flight is in a few hours.” 

“Yeah...do you...are you going…” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Do you need to get back?”

“No.” He hesitated a moment. “Do you want me to leave?” She huffed a laugh and shook her head.

“Not unless you want to. Are you...are you okay? Being away from the Tower? Steve mentioned that you don’t really…” she trailed off before shaking her head. He felt a mixture of jealousy and frustration at the thought of them talking about him behind his back.

“‘M fine,” he said gruffly. 

“Okay. Is this… is this okay?” she asked, taking a step closer and wrapping her arms around him. 

He hated that she was treating him like he was made of glass. Hated that she felt like she needed to.

Bucky buried his hand in her hair and leaned down to kiss her. “I want…” he breathed against her lips, and she let out a whimper that went straight to his dick. A wolfish smile crossed his mouth, one that she answered as she pulled him back in. He took a step, forcing her to take one backwards. Her hands moved from his back to his chest as she pushed at his jacket, and he shrugged it off. 

When her hands started to tug at his shirt, he broke away with a ragged gasp. “Can’t.” 

“Okay,” Darcy panted, nodding as she pulled him back in and took another step backwards. Her knees hit the bed, and she tugged him down. He had to plant a hand on either side of her to keep from toppling over her. 

It took all of his will power to pull away from her, “Doll.” She pouted as he stood up, and the sight brought a smile to his face. He took her hand and pulled her to her feet before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her hair. “You need to pack.” 

“Fine. You’ll – will you stay? It won’t take me that long to throw a bag together, and there’s plenty of time to get to the airport…” 

“Pack first.”

His hand on her thigh as he drove her to the airport was almost as good as the lingering kiss she’d given him when he dropped her off at the gate. 

It helped to stave off the panic attack until he pulled into the garage. 

Bucky was in the kitchen, nursing his glass of eggnog and wondering if it was too early for him to sneak away. They’d exchanged gifts - Jane had gotten him a copy of a book called Cosmos and a weighted blanket, and he’d delivered Darcy’s gift of a coffee mug, coffee scented candle, and a Nerf gun to Barton - and the team was just sitting around and talking, eating finger foods that Stark had provided. 

There had been some good natured teasing when they’d found out why Darcy wasn’t there, and they’d congratulated him on finding a way around the rules even as Stark mumbled something about having a private jet. It had stopped when Ms. Potts had threaded her fingers through his and raised an eyebrow, smirking. 

He’d just made the decision to leave when his phone chimed.

Darcy.

Bucky frowned at the image of a strange man in a military uniform that appeared on the screen before reading the message that accompanied it. _Thank you._

He tapped the icon to start the video. 

“So my sister-in-law flew in to surprise Bronte for Christmas. She’s got no idea. I volunteered to go out and get the traditional donuts and picked her up at the airport. Bronte’s gonna be so shocked,” he laughed. The camera flipped to show Darcy, who grinned and picked up a box of donuts. “Ready?”

“Let’s go.”

He watched as they exited the car and entered a house, making their way to the kitchen. “Babe?” the man called.

A dark haired woman had her back to them, a hand pressed to her lower back as she stood at the counter. “Please tell me they had a strawberry frosted donut. If I can’t have coffee, I at least want a fucking straw – ” 

“Surprise!” Darcy said as she turned. The woman looked a lot like Darcy, but older. Bronte’s mouth dropped open and she covered her face. 

“What are you doing here?!” she demanded, her voice squeaky as she took a step closer. Darcy put the donuts down and rushed towards her sister as she started crying. 

Bucky felt a pricking at his eyes as he watched Bronte pull away and push Darcy’s hair from her face. “What are you doing here?” she asked again. “How’d… you said you couldn’t come!”

“I know. I – a friend surprised me with a ticket this morning.” Bronte pressed a kiss to Darcy’s forehead and hugged her tightly again, and then the video ended.

He stared down at the phone and then played the video again.

 _I’m glad you made it_ he typed. 

A message came in almost immediately. _I can’t thank you enough_

_It’s nothing_

_It’s everything_

He couldn’t think of what to say. The phone went dark, and then another text appeared.

_Can I ask you something?_

_Yes_

_Do you have plans for New Years Eve?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! It's done! This plot bunny began Bucky giving Darcy plane tickets to see her family, and then just grew from there. 
> 
> I hope you liked it. I did. This has my favorite line I've ever written (the 'Kissing Darcy was like that first breath after cryo freeze' bit). Hopefully the C-PTSD wasn't a turn off, but I like writing somewhat realistic angst and - as great as Darcy is - making out with her wouldn't be enough to overcome years of trauma. 
> 
> Any who, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> So this plot bunny has been bugging me for two years. This was SUPPOSED to be a one shot but I remain incapable of being brief. I also can't write anything without some angst. I'm going to try and update this as quickly as possible to close it out but it won't be done in time for Christmas.


End file.
